Confessions of a comfortable life and a hardened heart.
For many years now, the words that summarize my life have been. “Lord have mercy on me.”
Why, because I have seen him meet every need that I have with perfect timing and abundance. I have seen Him provide for my family in ways I never thought possible. I have grown accustomed to His hand of protection and His Grace. I’ve been living a life of joy, levity, and comfort, fully aware that it has been the fruit of his outstretched hand. Yet in the midst of this abundant and “blessed” life of provision, I could hear a deep murmur in my heart. A grumbling. I’ve kept this grace mostly to myself and it has become stagnant and putrified, my living water has turned into a cesspool.
I’d become emotionally and spiritually constipated damming up the living water that has been given to me so freely. This past few days as I’ve seen the devastation of this particular storm and the flood waters, I’ve had many insights of which I will share in due time. But my tears of repentance, overwhelming helplessness, and general sadness have flooded me in moments that catch me off guard, destroying the idols I’ve openly worship and unearthing others that were deeply rooted. My prayer still continues to be , Lord have mercy on me. Father forgive me. Forgive me for damning up this living water, for collecting it and not disbursing it to those in need. ( All of us )
John the baptist, in the spirit of Elijah, told us to go and bear fruit fit for repentance. I’ve never been afraid of failing…I realize I’ve been more afraid of succeeding. Because deep down in my spirit, i know that I seem closer to God when I know I need him.
It’s easy to cry out to God when Pharoh’s army is chasing you and the Red Sea is behind you. The miracle of the Manna was that it represented our daily bread, Jesus Christ. In Egypt, we can store our riches in cisterns and ride out a famine. But you can’t store living water….it’s a river that can’t be contained. But God in his lovng mercy draws us into the wilderness so we can once again depend on Him….and to be honest, we don’t like it ! The manna, by design, could not be stored, with the exception of the Sabbath day. Why ? To reveal the type for those, like me, who would rather be self sufficient and not need God. Manna ?!, Again ?! Yes…again but not worldly manna. The Bread of Life and the Living Water. He that eats of this bread shall never hunger.
I wanted to not post this…for 3 main reasons.
It’s embarassing: Those that know me know that the fear of being embarassed is weird to begin with. We can’t always be on the serving side of the soup line.
It’s not good for business: Who cares….God is my source. Practicing Real Estate for 24 years now in this area and serving the community in various capacities, I’ve convinced myself that to be more useful to those I serve, I need to disconnect emotionally from my work. I feel like I need to be strong to those that I am serving. While there may be a little truth there, it doesn’t justify a hardened heart. This leads me to the third reason I didn’t want to share this.
It shows my weakness: “In my weakness, He is made strong” ( don’t let the “churchiness” of the vernacular water down this truth )
On the night before the storm, our small bible study prayed for God to soften our hearts. And He sure delivered. It’s the broken earthen vessel that is discarded by the world, but useful in the hands of a skillful master craftsman. You weren’t created by mistake, and who you are is not a mistake.
We have much work in front of us as a community. So much need, so much loss, so much pain. Right now as a community, we are continuing to help our neighbors and those that we can, we have so many from outside our area as well, that are rallying around us and for that, we are extremely grateful and humbled and know that we are loved Thoughts and Prayers work !!!! Don’t let your religious thinking tell you otherwise. Because thoughts and prayers always lead to action, it’s automatic.
BUT !!! We also are becoming aware that those of us that live here, have to pivot as life will not continue “as usual” for most of us. We have a lot of brokenness here, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. As we begin the process of restoration and healing, some scars will remain.
But I, we, are hopeful because the ancients and those who knew more than us clearly understood that the new day begins at sundown. let’s walk into the darkness together, so we can see the Sunrise together. Happy Rosh Hashana!
Excuse the typos and grammar. It’s not edited.
#Roshhashana #DaysofAwe #Repentance #Mercy #TheBackDoor #TheWittenburgDoor
